I just realized that the title doesn’t only refer to the actual post but also to God’s Word. This was something I originally posted on Tumblr (as a response to one of those “send me a question from this long list” posts). And I really love it. Honestly I didn’t expect to write anything meaningful at all, lol. But I’m reading it now and it still holds a lot of weight for me (though you probably won’t be able to sense that since it’s generally personal). It’s actually comforting for me, in connection to what’s going on in Ferguson and how life in general is going for me right now. Somehow I’m not bothered by sharing it (which is definitely strange!) but I’ve made a commitment to myself to be more honest about myself and my experiences. 🙂
thealternativeexperience said: Dear future me 🙂
(Lol you definitely picked the hardest! Trying my best)
Dear future me:
Hopefully you’re continuing the attitude of making life simple in spite of its challenges. You have finally learned to laugh again without being afraid, but it never came from you. It came from letting those in your Christian family be your friends. From always going back to your safe space with them (bible study, conversation, whatever). And it came from listening to God, quietly and sincerely. And just by listening He continues to make you into the sensitive, imaginative, constantly self-amused person you are supposed to be. But one who is not so hurt by others anymore. (“Release” it quiiiick when it happens. and breathe)
Even though everything else seems debatable, broken, or too complex to completely figure out…Jesus will never be. (Therein lies your hope, your refuge, your solution, your peace and tranquility. By all means you will question if it really is, but real talk, it is. It’s there, waiting for you. Like a pool of water.)
I hope you are still weird. I hope you encourage others to be. Not everyone will like you or your ability to be weird, many times because they are just a teeny-weeny-bit too preoccupied with themselves. (Remember who made you! And who you’re going to end up meeting face-to-face. That’s the perspective you always want) Hopefully you remember you’re not immune from pride either, and you don’t unhealthily chastise yourself when you make mistakes.
I hope you are as brutally honest and sincere as you have ever been, with yourself and the people around you, and I hope you let others see the love in you right before you give them your opinion ha.
You will always be somewhat broken, and God actually knows that. (Surprise!) Still run to Him. Like, run. He’s not your playdate for rainy days. He’s your reality and He wants to be involved in everything that you think about, do, and are. Don’t be afraid to “bore” Him (you can’t bore Him) with conversation. You’re not crazy. And you’re not crazy for being weak. ALWAYS. remember that.
The world will get harsher (remember you haven’t seen the worst of it yet) but if you don’t cling to Matthew 24:12-13 you’re a goner. At the end of the day, there’s Jesus and there’s life without Jesus. Better read that BI-BLE.
And life with Jesus will always mean hope! Not corny happy-go-lucky hope. Like, you-can-die-today-but-you’ll-never-hit-the-bottom-of-rock-bottom-because-Jesus-is-actually-keeping-you-from-going-there hope. Whatever it is you are in right now, it’s seriously not the end.
But I still hope you got that upgrade to your Canon! AND SOME NIKE’S! You better not be 30/30+ reading this without some good Nike’s. Like, Nike’s you will let your children see you wear. Maybe you’ll let them inherit it? (If you have *not* gotten them [-_-] you better save up now so you can get a good pair quick. If you have, you get some real adult points. You do. You really do.) Make sure you have Crayola stuff, too. Keeps you young.
And finally, I’m sure God worked it out in the end. You don’t know what the hell you’re doing after college right now but you can still listen to Black Knight’s Clappin’ and do a church praise. That’s enough. People will always be extra but they ain’t God. If you’re in the middle of something else like that, He already knows the end. Go breathe outside at some point and take some pictures. Nature is still beautiful.
But we’ll keep talking! That’s the beauty of getting to know yourself as you grow.
peace and Love,
Your 21-year-old self/A version you think you know but you really don’t
P.S. Did you meet Sho Baraka yet?!? I hope so. Write that man a letter or SUMthin!
After reading this, the question that keeps coming to my mind is: At the end of your life (or even when you look back on it) will you be focused on how messed up you and/or other people were, or how faithful God has been? The former will reflect a life of clamor and of unbearable stress — fighting/wishing for everything to have gone your way, but the latter will reflect a heart that was moved and led by God (and most likely pleased Him in some way). Not because your life was without stress, certainly; but because you never bore the difficulty alone, or in vain, because of Christ.