Developing yourself and your skills and your creative identity (all three very different things) is such an interesting, *difficult*, symbiotic process.
People expect you to put out work, when you haven’t even defined goals for yourself, or focused on one thing consistently, or stayed in one place to maintain any kind of traction.
It’s hard. But as people (and my reading) are teaching me, you *need* other people to help you be on your way to developing those three things more. You need to see the work of dope people (even if you don’t get to connect with them or you might not gel with their character/beliefs) and talk to people who are working their butts off to make stuff in their 20’s and 30’s.
You need the feedback and the ideas and the audience for whatever sharing/promotion you want to do, as well.
You need the encouragement and the reality checks. The lessons other people have learned through their mistakes. You need the outsider’s perspective.
That’s one. Second thing: the answer to finding what it is that works for you stylistically/creatively, is doing. Working. Trial and error. Iterating. Writing things down. Sharing things with people.
Realizing how much planning goes into finding clarity in your vision. Planning isn't a weakness, there's this myth that it kills creativity
— Joshua Kissi (@JoshuaKissi) October 14, 2016
don't get got. you have to make something worth marketing and that making takes a long time. and it's hard. and it can be lonely.
— ẹmí mímọ (@ogaofthefuture) October 19, 2016
Then the last thing…you as a person.
— la pilarcitería (@pilopalquelee) September 23, 2016
This is something I found when I was already in the process of slowly believing it. And then this confirmed it and I was like, Hallelujah. It’s true.
So, personally… I’ve been having a helluva time working on myself. As in, turrrrbulent time. If I told you all my meltdowns, personal pep talks, moments of mild depression and serious desperation, you would tell me to go work as a receptionist or tennis instructor somewhere and forget all of this stress. (You know, I really wouldn’t mind becoming an instructor, I enjoy tennis…seriously). I would have avoided all of this mess if it didn’t get in the way of me actually making things and talking to people 🙃. And none of that = no art, no making, no nothing. No career (that’s if I even want one.🚶🏾 Sarcasm, kind of).
So a lot of time has been spent brooding, hiding/hibernating, thinking, reading, crying, writing, praying, self care-ing, learning over and over again…and I’m still nowhere near feeling confident about anything art-related about myself. So really (with no pity for myself), I’m just… here. At this point in time, at least. I’m pretending to do things but I’m actually not sure about any of them at all (that includes anything I’ve put out, anywhere I’m working, anything😊). My current state is essentially someone being dropped into the deep end of a pool and thrashing-swimming their way out even though they can’t even see where they’re going. They just know they don’t want to be stuck there. Or drown.
So yeah. There isn’t much else to say since there’s no happy ending but, I know it’s normal and it’s something I needed to share.
Anyway here’s a quote I found and decided to make a wallpaper for. It summarizes the main way of developing your work and ideas.
So let’s keep working, ay? 👍🏾
Download wallpaper here: